Spam sucks, yes. Spam shmpam. We all know what it is and we all hate it. HTTP and SMTP need a long-overdue retooling, but I don’t want to get all technical right now; I just want to laugh, or try to be less confused. This has to be one of the most pointless and super-geeky spam messages I’ve ever received:

Subject: tahoue
From: “Zvi Darcy” <darcyzvi @agiindustries.com>
Date: Mon, July 17, 2006 1:57 pm
To: Chris Bellini

the step with a white beard and a scarlet hood; and he too hopped
inside as soon as the door was open, just as if he had been invited.
I see they have begun to arrive already, he said when he caught
sight of

Now all of the geeks out there can laugh at me, but I had to turn to Google to find out if the body of the message was from something. It didn’t not appear to be like the spam I know. Sure enough, it’s from “The Hobbit”. Now I’ve never read “The Hobbit” or any of Tolkien‘s books. The Lord of the Rings movies bored me. So I’m not knowlegable in this area. Today, I got another one:

Subject: ooqupo
From: “Diogo Foutz” <foutz@gnoec.org>
Date: Tue, July 18, 2006 2:19 pm
To: Chris Bellini

hole in the roof.
They must have looked very queer from outside, popping out into the
air one after another, green, blue, red, silver-grey, yellow, white; big

Again, Google informs me that this is from “The Hobbit”. SpamAssassin on my POP3 server let them pass through unabated. The built-in spam filter in my mail client, Mozilla Thunderbird, saw no problems with allowing it into the confines of my Inbox. Then again, it’s not like there’s any links to sites promising to make me bigger, thicker and capable of more volume. There isn’t even a whif of phish-iness. It’s just snippets from the book. I guess there’ll be a Peter Jackson-directed film adaptation. If this is the film’s hype machine…eeek. Why won’t Jackson do another film in the same vein [muwahaha] as Dead Alive? “I kick ass for the Lord” would almost be spam worth getting 🙂

Maybe I should reply (with my addy and IP spoofed) to these much like the sbemail segments on Homestarrunner.com. I could try my hand at what Strong Bad does.

Dear Dog Fartz,

What the? What are you talking about? I’m sorry to hear about the hole in your roof. You should call a roofer, or maybe a few of them. Get a bunch of roofies.

Your pal,

Strong Chris

Meh. Needs work 😉